We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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