Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
