We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
