Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
