Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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