All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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