Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
