she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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