She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
