I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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