youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Non-Jews are for practice
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
