I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.