Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
