Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.