I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!