i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............