we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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