I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
