They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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