I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
