How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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