I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
