marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up under a house in Key West
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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