My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
