i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits