did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems