He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think a kid would responsible me up
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.