2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm getting married
To pizza
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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