whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
