If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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