She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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