You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
