Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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