i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.