so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked