Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
