oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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