Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
