What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
