Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
