okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
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Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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