I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i would punch a child for taco bell
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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