sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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