I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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