Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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