I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
