Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
im on a boat
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