Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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