I seem to have left my pride at pride
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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