tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
