It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
