Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
