I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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