I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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