i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
