The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
