In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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