I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
