I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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