I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
