Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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