I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
