she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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