I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
