im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
