Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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