Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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