I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
